Nikki Glaser’s Best Jokes in Her Golden Globes 2025 Monologue

Nikki Glaser opened the 2025 Golden Globes by declaring it “Ozempic’s biggest night.” That’s about as brutal as it got, apart from a general #MeToo jab.

“I am absolutely thrilled to be your host tonight,” she said. “I gotta say, this feels like I finally made it. I’m in a room full of producers at the Beverly Hilton hotel, and this time all of my clothes are on. It was worth it.”

The mood in the room was genial, a piercing difference from the inert reactions last year when host Jo Koy’s opening routine fell flat with many of the guests. Glaser sought to reassure the crowd from the start. “Some of you may know me as a stand-up comedian and from my appearances on roasts, but I am not here to roast you tonight,” she added. “How could I, really? You’re all so famous, so talented, so powerful. You could do anything, except tell the country who to vote for.”

Theater kids got the cruelest takedown: “I did not know much about Wicked going into this year because I had friends in high school, but I loved it.” She added that “everyone loved Wicked. I loved Wicked, my boyfriend loved Wicked, my boyfriend’s boyfriend really loved Wicked.” The blockbuster’s fans who loudly sang along in crowded theaters provided a setup to hit another big-screen musical that became one of the year’s biggest flops. “Some people complained that [Wicked] was ruined by people singing,” Glaser said. “And then Joker 2, some people complained that the movie was ruined by the images on the screen and the sounds that accompanied them.”

She then apologized to the cast and crew of Joker: Folie à Deux, asking where their table was, which led to a joke about their absence from the ceremony.

She engaged in a few more targeted zings. “Tonight we celebrate the best of film and hold space for television,” Glaser said. “Wicked, Queer, Nightbitch—these are not just words Ben Affleck yells after he orgasms. These are some of the incredible movies that are nominated tonight.”

Glaser added that The Bear, The Penguin, and Baby Reindeer were actually nominated TV shows, not just items found in Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s deep freeze.

Some of her targets were right there in front of her, playing along gamely. “Zendaya, you were incredible in Dune,” she said as the camera cut to the actor for the backhanded compliment. “Oh my God, I woke up for all of your scenes! You were so good. And Challengers, girl? Oh my God, it was so good. I mean, that movie was more sexually charged than Diddy’s credit card.”

Most of Glaser’s set struck a playful tone, with the comic at one point noting that Timothée Chalamet’s name sounded like something Adam Sandler would shout as one of his more oddball characters. The routine culminated with her getting Sandler himself to shout the A Complete Unknown and Dune actor’s name in his faux Cajun voice.

Legends were not off limits. One of her best jabs was at Harrison Ford. “I was actually talking to Harrison backstage, and after he gave me his drink order, I asked him—I said, ‘Would you rather work with Zendaya or Ariana [Grande]?’ And he said indica,” Glaser said. “So we’re gonna find him some so he has a good time tonight.”

The ridiculously handsome Glen Powell got a special shout-out. “Glen, you were in everything: Twisters, Hit Man, my head when I’m having sex with my boyfriend.”